Let the Buyer Beware — 4 Common Myths About Anger Management
So, you’re searching for an anger management program. Either you’ve come to this decision by choice, or you have been mandated by your workplace or court. Searching for an anger program can be difficult. Here are some common myths you should watch for when searching for a program to help you deal with anger.
Myth 1: Anger is a negative emotion
Watch out for anger management providers that use lines like “healing from anger” or “taming your temper.” While snappy and punchy marketing language, these messages are deeply disturbing.
Anger is a completely normal, and usually healthy human emotion. It is neither inherently positive nor inherently negative. Emotions on their own are just emotions — it’s the weight we give them that makes them positive or negative in our minds and judgment.
Try thinking about anger as a warning signal coming out of your alarm system, the amygdala. Think of the amygdala like a smoke detector in your home. It serves an important purpose and keeps us safe. It’s good that it goes off when there is a fire in your home. But let’s not forget it may also go off with a whiff of burnt toast.
Anger was once a necessary part of life. It fueled our ancestors’ primal “fight” instinct to protect themselves and their tribe in the face of danger by instilling fear in others. In contemporary society, anger can still be beneficial in the face of adversity. It’s okay to be angry, but it’s imperative to understand what to do with anger before it goes too far and does harm. The emotion itself isn’t the problem, rather the problem lies in the actions we take due to anger.
Myth 2: Anger can be managed
Have you ever told yourself not to feel an emotion that was bothering you? If you have, you probably already know that didn’t work out so well.
We can’t control, manage, stop, or change our emotions. Emotions don’t happen that way. Emotions can be triggered either by an internal event such as a thought or memory, or by something happening in the external world.
Beware of the claims of “helping you manage your anger” that anger management programs make. We can’t manage or control our emotions no matter how much we try.
Myth 3: Men are angrier than women
Research shows that all genders experience frustration and irritation at similar rates — although there are cultural norms which dictate how we express our emotions.
But what about high rates of violence amongst men? It is true that the majority of perpetrators of violent crimes are men. But this is not an anger issue — it is a toxic masculinity issue that all too often leads to domestic violence.
I agree with Jackson Katz, educator, filmmaker, and author. He has created a gender violence prevention and education program entitled ‘Mentors in Violence Prevention’, which is used by U.S. military and various sporting organizations in predominantly male cultures.
His premise is that men’s violence against women isn’t a women’s issue, rather it is a men’s issue and men need to challenge toxic male culture. I would welcome you to check out Katz’s Ted Talk, Violence Against Women — It’s a Men’s Issue.
Beware of men’s programs that frame men as angrier than women. If a program frames itself as a group for men dealing with toxic masculinity and domestic violence, I think it could be of tremendous benefit. Again, watch out for vague claims like “healing from anger.”
Myth 4: Venting is good
A common misconception about anger is that it needs to be released. Many believe this myth, but researchers have found that venting makes matters worse, and can unleash pent-up pressure without relieving anything at all.
Staying in a high arousal state triggers all sorts of negative effects on the body including elevated stress hormones and high blood pressure, increasing the risk of stroke. If an anger management provider is providing primal scream therapy run.
The Problem with Anger Management Programs
According to Justice Canada, anger management programs do not focus on the underlying causes of domestic violence. And worse, anger management programs can serve to enhance and reinforce controlling skills in relationships.
For example, one of the tools used by therapists with clients is called cognitive restructuring. It is a valuable tool to use to draw our attention to thinking traps that provoke us and can ramp up anger. Thinking traps are thinking patterns like over-generalizing, magnifying, and catastrophizing. In therapy this one particular tool is used in the context of a treatment that may also include other strategies that promote self-awareness and empathy.
The danger is that these skills can be used to control or gaslight a domestic partner. For example, an abusive and controlling partner using “You’re catastrophizing” to diminish their partner’s concerns and silence them. In the context of some anger management programs, there is a tendency to overuse and misuse this tool in the absence of a comprehensive treatment plan to draw from.
Be careful when choosing an anger program to help you. Justice Canada has expressed concerns about anger management programs due to a limited proven effect, lack of standards, and the fact that they may offer a false sense of hope and safety. Rather than looking for a quick fix, look for providers who offer clinically proven therapeutic approaches.
Conclusion
Ask yourself as you search: Are these services offered by licenced counsellors, therapists, or social workers? What treatments are they offering? Are they offering evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behaviour Therapies, and if they are how do they work?
Ask them questions about the treatment they offer, and the types of clients they have helped. Ask them how they can help you. Watch out for vague claims. Get as much information as you can before you purchase a program.
When searching for an anger program or provider do your homework. Let the buyer beware.
